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Racism, Politics & Forgiveness | 5 Tips for Cultural Forgiveness | Dr. Jada - LMHC

Racism, Politics & Forgiveness | 5 Tips for Cultural Forgiveness

The presidential race is heated and brutal. The rich, the wealthy, the poor, the Black, the White, the Brown, the Greedy, the educated and the uneducated are at war on the largest platform in America. Whether the presidential debates are heavily focused on abortion, legalization of same sex marriage, healthcare, minimum wage, immigration, gun control, education or foreign policy, Americans (even with our differences) have shown that “agreeing to disagree” is almost impossible.

Why are Americans unable to disagree amicably? What makes adult men and women behave like children when someone does not agree with their perspective or ideology?

From the Black Lives Matter movement to the Proud Boys movement, differences of opinions continue to produce violent and aggressive outcomes. Can’t we all just get along? Can we forgive another person for being different? Thinking different? Wanting different?

This is an article about forgiveness. This is a moment to consider our differences versus our similarities. This is an opportunity to forgive and forget; to let go and allow other to be what they are without demanding they change to make us feel better.

Remember, it’s natural for our mind to automatically judge or stereotype others. Additionally, it is a challenge to view differences as “different” instead of “negative.” Just because a person is different or believes differently does not mean they are a bad person.  This negative view of the unknown or unusual may carry over into our daily lives and how receptive we are to new experiences and/or expanding our community. 

Again, this article is about forgiveness. Forgiving others for their differences is not about forgiving others for being different. It’s more about letting go of the concept that everything and/or everyone is the same; and accepting unique behaviors or unusual customs the contribute to a person’s character, personality and belief.

Forgiving others for their differences and becoming open to them, gives us the ability to gain a wealth of knowledge and learn to see eye-to-eye even if we somewhat disagree.

Here are a few tips to consider:

-       Acknowledge the beauty in your uniqueness. We are all unique. We all have different experiences, personalities, and features. A lot of times when people judge others for being different, maybe we believe that everyone should be the same. However, by recognizing the uniqueness in ourselves, we may realize the beauty and uniqueness in others.

-       Consider another’s cultural upbringing. We often model the behavior and environment we were raised in. So, what we learned and were taught as acceptable may conflict with the values of another. In order to avoid becoming offended or offensive, consider the fact that they belief or behavior may be appropriate where they came from.

-       Find the similarities between you and others. Across all cultures and various stages of life we all have one thing in common…we are human. We have emotions, needs, and a desire to form healthy connections and be understood. By finding the similarities, it may be easier to see that even across cultures we are more alike than we are different.

-       Recognize the positive qualities in others. By recognizing the positive qualities in others differences, we open ourselves up to the ability to view life from a new and positive perspective. Instead of looking for the negative, we will find the positive and hopefully, that concept will spill over into other areas of our lives.

-       Reframe your view of “differences.” When people think of differences there is often a negative stigma attached to it. But in order to have a better understanding and forgive others, we must reframe what “differences” symbolizes to us. By doing this we are able let go of the negative attachment and picture differences as more of an opportunity. An opportunity to learn more about others which in turn tells us more about ourselves.

Forgiving others for their differences helps us adjust your expectations for how things should be to a more flexible and open-minded view. Next time you see an unusual custom or behavior, view it as a learning experience and you will begin to open your mind.

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CRAZY-IN-LOVE: 3 Tips for Common Relationship Problems

“Who’s singing that song?” I asked the girls at the front desk. The lyrics were clearly Beyonce’s “Crazy in love,” but the voice and music were very soft, smooth and lullaby-like. It was amazing. I could actually hear the lyrics clearly. It was Daniella Andrade…

Crazy-in-love is a term I hear from some of my clients that feel they are stuck between insane love and painful rage. Maybe Beyonce was on to something. Maybe she crawled into the heads of some of my crazy-in-love clients who couldn’t explain WHY their hearts pounded when a certain someone walked by; or HOW they put up with emotional abuse by a certain someone that only called after midnight and wouldn’t call again until two weeks later. WHY?

What did Beyonce’ mean when she said, “Got me lookin’ so crazy right now?"

Have you ever asked yourself why you put up with certain negative behaviors in a relationship? Have you ever wondered why you couldn’t get a certain person out of your mind?  Well, maybe it has everything to do with YOU and not necessarily them. Maybe we are crazy in love because we are in search of our deepest, most intimate desires in the form of a person. Once we believe we've found that person, we find ourselves lost in the sea of disappointment because our expectations were shattered. Well, whatever your "crazy-in-love" may be, we've all been there!

Remember, most of us are in search of that special someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with and grow old together. Unfortunately, most of us that find ourselves saying, “I do,” also find ourselves saying, “I don’t!” That’s right, over 50% of all marriages end in divorces and dreams are shattered. Lives are changed and hearts are broken when we fail to address our "crazy-in-love" issues; and whether we believe it or not, ALL relationships experience conflict and challenges.

Here are the 3 most common relationship problems and possible solutions.

Communication:

This is the #1 conflict couples have and the basis for many arguments. It results in a lack of understanding that causes even further distance. There is a misconception that poor communication means a lack of verbal dialogue. But it really means that somewhere along the line the conversation has become guarded and there isn’t the openness necessary to have the discussions needed to stay connected and make the relationships last.

Communication Solutions:

o   Speak your mind: This means trusting yourself enough to be vulnerable in the relationship and share with your partner what is on your mind. It’s essential you speak up so you and your partner can be on the same page.

o   Be receptive: When a person speaks their mind and it isn’t received well, it can be discouraging for open communication in the future. Even in difficult situations its important to maintain respect and listen to what the other has to say. This gives you the ability to have a full understanding so you can work as a team to solve them.

Problem Solving:

Different personality types can create a wide range of responses when it comes to solving problems. Some people cope with avoidance, anger defensiveness, blame, etc. The method in which problems are handled can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

Problem Solving Solutions:

o   Stay on topic: When problems arise they can often trigger past conflicts and create a bigger problem. Discuss the present issue with the intentions of resolving it and instead of strengthening your argument.

o   Agree to disagree: There will be things that you and your partner have different views on. You don’t have to sacrifice your values or what you think is right. Accept the difference in opinion so you can reach an emotional closure.

o   Work together: An argument shouldn’t become a battle of who wins or loses. Work together and encourage yourself to grow to a point where obstacles become lessons and problems in your relationship become a signal for teamwork.

Poor Sex Life:

Even couples that have a great emotional relationship can have completely different needs when it comes to sex. A good sex life is open to discussion and meets the needs of both people. Studies have shown that a good sex life is considered to contribute to about 20% of a happy relationship. But a bad sex life is said to contribute about 70% of an unhappy relationship. Meaning that a bad sex life has a much bigger impact on the connection.

Solutions For a Better Sex Life:

o   Express your needs: If you’re not feeling fulfilled in your sexual relationship with your partner, that void will just increase. Express what you’re needs and have a continuous open dialogue.

o   Be open-minded: Sex someone you love is a very intimate and vulnerable experience that allows you to love your partner in a physical way. Be open to new experiences, this helps foster the spark in your connection and keep the excitement alive.

o   Seek a therapist. A bad sex life could have an underlying problem that may need the help of a therapist or sex counselor to help discover what it is.

Relationships can bring the greatest joy you’ve ever known, but they take work.  If you consider the tips above, tune into your partner, and allow yourself to be vulnerable; you have the formula for what it takes to make your relationship last. 

Still feeling a little "Crazy-in-love?" Contact a therapist and book a session TODAY!

Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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